Fussy Mother’s Locavore Cafe: Today’s Menu
Welcome to Fussy Mother’s. All menu items are micro-local, carefully sourced from a five-block radius of Fussy Mother’s. Menu items vary seasonally and with the vacuuming schedule.
Libations
Snow local boot mud, Massachusetts gravel
Housemade yogurt shake milk-flavored, November sippy-cup
Apple juice half town tap water, virtuous
Dregs recycle-bin wine bottle
Beginnings
School gym Cheerio native dust rabbit
Couch Goldfish damp leather sous-vide, oatmeal-crusted owl-head bowl
Year-old robin’s egg nest of pencil shavings, shredder paper
Shaped crackers native Lego
Backyard scourge mint call it basil if you want
Fridge-aged baby carrots lightly orange, dry
Stop & Shop Cereal Bar unwrapped, no TV
Apple squeezer stained car seat, I-95
Additional Goldfish when I get around to it
Middles
Lunchbox contents available till dinner
Freezer chunk brown, ice crust, saddish peas
Sidewalk pine cone rain-stewed, not poop
Native dumplings plastic bag, 1994 Nissan, organic soy sauce
Found PB&J bitten, French-like jam
Meatballs backyard tomatoes, grandmother watching
White oak acorn mash driveway shards, chipmunk pee
Braised chicken cookbook-sourced, yuzu, wild rice, asparagus, deal with it
Sal’s pizza you liked it yesterday
Roasted farm share root vegetables for decoration
Afters
Girl Scout Cookies pushiest local troop
American chocolate fun-sized, Halloween 2011
Pez Spider-Man, with please and thank you
Mandatory apple peeled, or “whole bites”
Cheese plate wrapped stick, finger pinches of grated romano, no thank you
Your table awaits.
Made me laugh out loud. Love the chipmunk pee & local dust bunnies.
You can’t get any more local than chipmunk pee! Thank you for reading.
You forgot “Raisin patties – fermented and carefully peeled from natural wood floor” That’s one of our faves. Gotta go, my five minutes are up and I’ve been asked to come check out some “awesome new dance moves” I’m sure won’t disappoint.
Mmmm patties. Or, “Organic blueberries, heel-trodden, Clorox wipe”
I wonder the level of awesomeness of these dance moves? I pre-give them ten out of ten.